A spiritual approach to falling in love
As the seasons change it allows us to reflect on our lives and where we are and where we are going. No matter if we are single, married, in a relationship, coming out of one or just entering one, it is an area of our lives that dominates a lot of our thoughts. Sometimes we are conscious of the thoughts we have around the significant relationships in our lives, but more often than not we are not fully aware, falling into repetitive patterns that often lead to a sense of being unfulfilled, disappointed and even frustrated at our ability to make things ‘work’.
Our longing for connection is natural to our human existence; with our health, joy and happiness intricately tied to interconnecting with our selves as well as others. Yet if it is such a universal desire, why, after all this time, with all the advances in our knowledge, are we still struggling with having such a basic need met? My guess would be that we are afraid to listen to the answers that tell us how to make it work because it requires a level of honesty with our selves that can be both scary and emotionally demanding.
I believe that our longing for a loving connection with another is really a deep spiritual longing to awaken our hearts to the love that is contained within. However as with all spiritual journeys, there are challenges that need to be met and obstacles overcome.
To have a deep meaningful relationship with another we have to be able to first connect with our true essence and to do that we have to have intimate knowledge of who we really are. Growing up, we all learn to mask our essential nature in order to feel ‘acceptable’ to others, denying the parts of ourselves we have been led to believe are ‘wrong’. We have to find a way to find and integrate the parts that we have suppressed. This process can be painful and frightening as there was a valid reason why we denied it in the first place. To connect requires hitting those painful edges and still be willing to carry on.
To truly be on the path to know love, you have to open yourself to whatever comes your way – hurt, fear, loss, joy, laughter, happiness – be willing to invite it all in as a beautiful reflection of your whole self.
We have two mutually exclusive emotions that determine the direction of our lives; love and fear. Memories of loss, hurt and rejection in love, have many of us avoiding ‘going back there’, seeking refuge in the security of that which is familiar and comfortable, denying the vastness of who we are. Fear has won! Limiting our lives and creating feelings of emptiness and loneliness (even if we are in a ‘relationship’.)
To truly know love we have to have the courage to see what we are scared to see, know what we are afraid to know and feel what we avoid feeling. We have to be willing to let go of the excuses, the numbness and the distractions that prevent us from really knowing love; loving our selves and therefore another.
Until we are able to go to the deep dark place within our selves it is not possible to let another get close. Love is not the answer to the deeper emptiness, an escape from the trials of life. Rather it is an opportunity to transcend our fears, doubts and insecurities.
Our relationships with others allow us to know who we are through the mirrors they hold up to us, both the good and bad. We need the courage to be open and willing to look at anything that hurts us or causes us discomfort and heal the root source.
Love is the essence of who we are. To really love, we have to find our selves and trust we are safe in knowing and expressing our whole selves. Only then can we find love that is real, fulfilling and truly connected.
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