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The ‘I’m a Fraud’ Phenomenon
I’m not really very good, I’ve just been lucky so far.
You have achieved a lot, you are successful and have the respect of your colleagues and bosses. Do you still feel like a fraud and it is only a matter of time until you will get caught out?
Through my coaching practice I have discovered that this is a very common phenomenon, particularly among brilliant and intelligent women. I call it the ‘I’m a Fraud Phenomena’.
These women often have successful careers, may it be within management, law, medicine, administration or other reputable professions. They are excellent at what they do and add so much value to their respective businesses, organisations and clients. Yet they are not enjoying their work. Who can enjoy spending the entire working week, and plenty of hours of their spare time, fretting about not being good enough and being caught out?
The impact on them can be immense. Common side effects include worrying, sleepless nights and self doubt. All these negative feelings can, and often have, dramatic effects on their lives. Constantly viewing one’s performance and professional existence through a lens that filters out every positive accomplishment and zooms in on the mistakes and missed opportunities can result in both anxiety, depression and physical illnesses. One client who has never suffered from ill health in her life (she even gets a common cold only every 3 or 4 years) reported how she developed a chronic immune system illness after a particularly stressful time in her professional life. No one will ever know for certain whether the two events are cause and effect, but she certainly feels there is a distinct link. Another client suffered from hypertension following months of sleepless nights and pangs of anxiety due to her lack of confidence and self recognition that she actually deserved to be successful. One small oversight could wake her with a fright and keep her awake for hours – this may be related to an email that she did not send the previous day and would not cause drastic negative consequences by being sent in the morning.
The fascinating thing with the women suffering from the ‘I’m a Fraud’ phenomenon is that no one other than perhaps their closest family and friends knows about it. At work they often display confidence, determination and poise. They put on ‘the mask of confidence’ as soon as they enter the office building, the client meeting or the negotiation room. This is why they are so successful.
Women in these situations often end up feeling very lonely. From their perspective, the other women in similar situations career wise are much more confident than they can ever imagine being. In reality, these other women may be trapped in the same phenomenon and are thinking the exact same thing in reverse
So there is a clear incongruence between how they feel about themselves and their actual level of competence as well as how others view them. The question is why? And perhaps more importantly, how can they replace this harmful behavioural pattern with one that results in a self accepting and positive image of themselves?
The reasons can be many, but a common one involves taking too much responsibility for things that are not in their control. Taking responsibility is something that would generally be encouraged in my coaching practice, however, not to the extent whereby clients take on board things that are not within their control. That can only set them up to fail. There is also the apparent need to prove themselves, and an underlying lack of confidence and self esteem. I can count my female clients who don’t report problems with low self esteem on one hand!
Their beliefs about themselves are so limiting that they beat themselves up emotionally. It is one of the most rewarding parts of my job as a Life Coach to help these great individuals to shake these beliefs, watch them see them for what they really are, i.e. complete fiction, and replace them with new, helpful and self promoting beliefs. The happiness and peace that follows is powerful to watch.
Having great beliefs about yourself is not about boasting but merely accepting yourself for who you are and acknowledging your own strengths as well as accepting your weaknesses without allowing them to overshadow the positives.
Email Charlotta Hughes at charlotta@bemelifecoaching.com to receive your FREE report on 7 Steps for a Calmer and More Confident You.
Some comments made by Charlotta’s clients:
“I have been transformed in the last 3 months”
“In the very first session I had a 'Eureka' moment. I now know that I have the power to achieve my goals - and I will.”
“I have been able to take a significant step forward which I had wanted to take for two years.”
“The sessions have been wonderful and really directed my energy where I needed it most.”
“The sessions I have had with Charlotta have had a huge impact on my life.”
“Your support and guidance is something that if bottled, would fly off the shelves!”
Visit Charlotta’s website at www.bemelifecoaching.com to read further testimonials.
Charlotta Hughes MA, BSc, MCIPD, LC Cert
Mobile: 07720 839773
Email: charlotta@bemelifecoaching.com
Web: www.bemelifecoaching.com
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